


Never Said I Wouldn't Miss You

by masc_malfunction



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Adultery, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chirping as Flirting, Dex centric, Ex-Boyfriends, Fluff and Smut, Future Fic, Getting Back Together, Infidelity, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Making of Mistakes, Mutual Non-Discussion of Feelings, Mutual Pining, NHL Player William "Dex" Poindexter, Nursey and Dex don't cheat ON each other, On Hiatus, Oral Sex, Sexting, They cheat WITH each other, Writer Nursey, but that's how it is, that's not BETTER
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-01-13 13:10:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18469618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masc_malfunction/pseuds/masc_malfunction
Summary: It had been a few years since graduation, and, consequently, since Nursey and Dex had broken up. Now Nursey had someone else, and Dex…Dex had hockey. He honestly never expected to see Nursey ever again, even when he played in NY. After all, it was a big city. The odds of running into one specific guy would be astronomical.Of course, Dex’s life had a way of throwing him curveballs. Especially when Derek Nurse was involved.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends! This is my first work in this fandom, which is always exciting. I have a lot of ideas and WIPs for Check Please, but this one was the one that grabbed me and demanded my attention first.  
> That being said, this work is largely centered around cheating on a significant other. I don't condone that, nor do I think it's a good idea, but that's what the fic is about. If that's something that bothers you, I really recommend sitting this fic out.  
> That being said, I'm really excited to be writing this and sharing this with you all, and I hope to be posting more of this and much more in the future!

Will always got nervous when he played away games against the Rangers.

It wasn’t the team. They were good, sure, don’t get him wrong. But every team in the NHL was good, and they all posed their own challenges. No, Will’s nerves had nothing to do with the team, and everything to do with New York.

Will had never been to New York before Samwell. And he hadn’t been since, not until his first game with the Rangers. He’d been with Nursey, for winter break of senior year. They’d done things Nursey called _“touristy shit—but only the cute, lovey-dovey touristy shit that’s good enough for us.”_ He’d said it with that same grin he always had, the one that made Will want to kiss him. And he had, then. He’d kissed Nursey a lot, on that trip. On the ice at Rockefeller Center, in Nursey’s childhood bedroom, at every random street corner and subway stop and pretentious café and one very memorable time with his back pressed up against a shelf in the back room of a local bookstore. Will had been so happy in New York then.

It had been three years since that first New York trip, with multiple away games to NY. Will never saw Nursey. Will always got nervous.  

He didn’t really mind it that much. His seatmates on the bus tended to mind much more than he did, but then again, Will always knew he was a nervous fidgeter. A couple of the guys on his team drew straws on who sat next to Will on NY roadie trips, and they made sure that he knew it. Well, Will could handle the chirps. He preferred that the team just think he was weirdly intimidated by the Rangers than actually try and figure out the real source of his jitters. It’s not like he could explain them anyway. He knew that it made no sense. New York was a big city, and the odds that he would run into one guy in particular were astronomical.

No matter how much Will thought about him.

Either way, it never seemed to affect his game, so it’s not like anyone truly minded. In fact, it seemed to have improved his game today. They’d absolutely trounced the Rangers, managing a shutout win. Will’d played well, managed an assist and some quality defense, if he dared toot his own horn. The team was going out, and Will actually felt like going with them. He couldn’t let New York get the better of him forever.

That’s how Will ended up at a bar a few blocks from the hotel, pleasantly buzzed and riding the high of the win. He wasn’t really looking to get drunk, and the rest of his team was more interested in making sure their goalie had a steady supply of drinks than anything else that night. Will was happy to provide his fair share of the rounds, though he turned down anything offered to him that was stronger than beer. He’d just made it back up to the bar, finding a relatively quiet spot to wait to catch the bartender’s eye so he could send another round his team’s way. He slid onto an empty stool, pulling out his phone while he waited for the bartender to get through a large group of what was probably college age girls and all their orders. That looked like it might take a while.

“Will Poindexter, as I live and fuckin’ breathe.”

Will startled at the sudden address, nearly dropping his phone twice in quick succession when his gaze landed on who spoke.

_“Nursey?”_

Will’s jaw dropped open as Nursey grinned, and he let himself be pulled into a strong, familiar hug. He still wasn’t exactly sure this wasn’t a dream. Maybe he fell asleep at the table? He was gonna wake up covered in sharpie, he might as well enjoy this until then.

Will wrapped his arms around Nursey’s shoulders, letting his eyes slip shut. Nursey still smelled the same, and it was all Will could do not to bury his face in his hair like he used to. He felt Nursey’s fingers gripping the fabric of the back of his shirt and bit his lip hard, pulling back and managing a smile.

“I—I didn’t expect to see you.”

“Yeah, no kidding, what are the odds?” Nursey laughed easily, and it made something in Will’s chest ache. “You played a fantastic game, man. Always good to watch you wipe the floor with the home team.”

Will laughed then, raising an eyebrow. “Is it?”

“Yeah, when it’s _you._ ”

Will felt his cheeks flush, and he ducked his head to hide what must have been a goofy smile. For all he agonized over running into Nursey in NY, it was like they never stopped talking. He didn’t feel any of the terrified awkwardness he usually felt when he imagined the scenario.

“Hey, got a spare minute from your celebration for me to buy you a drink?”

Will’s eyes widened a little as he considered Nursey’s offer. On one hand, it had been years since they spoke, and for a reason. There was a myriad of ways that catching up could go wrong. And really, Will should just buy his round and go back to his team. But, on the other hand, it was _Nursey_. And Will, despite his arguments to the contrary, really missed Nursey.

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

Nursey flashed him another grin before turning towards the bartender, and Will felt his throat go dry. Nursey looked _good_. Will hadn’t had much time to appreciate it before they were hugging, but now he could look to his heart’s content. He clearly still kept up with at least some of his workout routine, if his arms and shoulders were anything to go by. He’d also let his hair get a little longer on the top, and that was quickly making its way to top of the List of Things that are Ruining Will’s Life. And he was wearing an _earring_. It was small, but it _really_ worked on him. This was so bad.

“You wanna stay at the bar, or…I have a table?” Nursey turned back, offering up one of the two beers he held in his hands. “I’m not with anyone, or anything, it’s one of the small tables towards the back.”

“Table sounds good.” Will was speaking before he could really think about it, and then he was letting Nursey take his wrist in a loose hold and lead him across the bar. It would be so easy to take his hand. But Will didn’t, he wouldn’t. But he couldn’t deny that the thought of it did make his mind go blank for several seconds.

Nursey lead him to a table in a relatively quiet corner, sitting down on a chair that had his jacket draped across the back. He wasn’t kidding when he had said it was small, their knees bumped together when Will sat down across from him.

“So, how’s the whole NHL gig treating you, Dexy?” Nursey smiled, nudging Will’s knee with his own more purposefully. “You’re lookin’ good.”

Will choked just slightly on the sip of beer he was taking, feeling his cheeks get hot. “Uh. It’s been good. It’s real good. I’ve meshed really well with the team, and I see Jack and Bitty whenever we play in Providence.”

“Aw, I miss our favorite former captain power couple.”

“Yeah, I miss Ransom and Holster too.”

“Oh, you’re funny as ever,” Nursey rolled his eyes. “You still talk to Chowder?”

“Course I do. Hey, I think he’d cry tears of joy if he knew we were speaking.”

Will wasn’t sure why he said it. It wasn’t exactly in the spirit of catching up with old friends to bring up the three-year radio silence that followed a breakup. But it _was_ very much in Will’s nature to put his foot in his mouth, and it’s not like Nursey didn’t know it. It happened the first two years before they started dating, it only makes sense that it would happen in the years that followed.

“Yeah, he probably would,” Nursey was still smiling, but his eyes looked a little distant. “You see him, when you’re out that way?”

“Sometimes,” Will shrugged. “We got drinks a few times last season. He and Farmer are still cute as ever.”

“So cute it makes you kinda sick?” Nursey grinned.

“That’s the one,” Will laughed lightly, raising his glass to his lips again. “What about you? What have you been up to?”

“Couple grad classes, couple small things published, nothing nearly as exciting as you.”

“What—published?” Will swallowed his beer quickly, leaning closer. “Derek, that’s amazing!”

“It’s not that big a deal, really,” Nursey waved Will’s reaction off, but he was smiling that small, shy smile he got when he was being praised for work he was proud of. “Not like making first line on your rookie year, or—”

“Stop. You can’t deflect this by talking about my stats, I—” Will paused, raising a single eyebrow. “You paid that much attention to my season?”

Nursey’s eyes widened, his expression slipping for only a second, before his brilliant smile was back in place. “I paid attention to your every season, Dex. What, I can’t be proud of you?”

Will was stunned silent, feeling heat climb up his neck and face the longer he looked at Nursey.

“No, I—of course you can, I—” Will stammered, breaking their eye contact to look down into his beer. “I feel like the shitty friend, now. You know my stats and shit, I had no idea you were a published author.”

“In your defense, my accomplishments aren’t nearly as well documented and accessible online,” Nursey pointed out.

“I guess that’s fair,” Will conceded, knocking his knee against Nursey’s playfully. “And I can squeeze a few years of being proud of you into a real short time if I’m pushed. Just you wait.”

“Oh, God…don’t make this a big deal—” Nursey groaned dramatically, the smile on his face outweighing the eye roll.

“I’m making a very big deal, Derek Nurse. If you think for one second that I’m not going to google you as soon as I get back to my hotel and read everything you’ve gotten published, you’ve got another think coming.”

“Well I guess I’m just gonna have to keep you from going back to your hotel for as long as I can, then,” Nursey winked, and Will nearly choked for the second time that night. “Have I mentioned you’re looking good? Because you really are.”

Nursey’s tone was casual, but the way his eyes slid down Will’s chest made a shiver run up Will’s spine.

“Me? Are you kidding, have you caught a glance in the mirror recently?” The words left Will’s mouth fully without his permission, but he wasn’t gonna back down from them. “The whole…semi-hipster grad student, author on the side thing looks fantastic on you. Or maybe it’s just the earring, that’s a notable thing that looks fantastic.”

And, wow, Will had _not_ drunk enough to have lost control of his filter this much. It didn’t go unnoticed, either, not judging by the slow smirk that spread across Nursey’s face as Will’s only got redder.

“Shit, Poindexter. You’re about to make me blush.”

“Well, it’s only fair to level the playing field a little,” Will muttered, sliding down in his seat as far as the small space would allow.

“Not gonna happen,” Nursey’s tongue flicked out over his lips quickly, and Will felt it in his soul. “You’re too easy.”

“Always was, for you.”

Will’s cheeks full-on _burned_ at the admission, but it wasn’t like he’d take it back even if he could. He’d spent too long wondering if he’d wasted his shot with Nursey, and now that he was here, in front of him, he wasn’t gonna let himself be embarrassed by going for it. Not when it almost seemed to be working.

Nursey grinned, resting his elbows on the table and leaning in closer to Will. “Just for me, William?”

Will squirmed slightly in his seat, but didn’t back down from Nursey’s challenging smile. “You always did seem to bring it out in me, Derek.”

“Still,” Nursey laughed. “I don’t remember it being all that easy.”

“Well, I had to make you work for it a _little_. If I threw myself at you freshman year, you would have just taken me for granted.”

“18-year-old Will Poindexter would never have even _considered_ throwing himself at me.”

Will raised an eyebrow, leaning in close and mirroring Nursey’s position. “Maybe not. But he definitely _thought_ about it.”

“Oh?” Will may have imagined it, but he could have swore that Nursey glanced down at his lips. “Think about throwing yourself at me a lot?”

“You mean, besides in the past half hour?” Will asked, his voice dropping lower.

Nursey’s gaze focused sharply, and the intensity of it made Will sit up a little straighter.

“When does your bus leave?”

“Uh. Not till tomorrow morning,” Will replied, trying to ignore the way his heartbeat picked up. “Pretty late. Why, Nurse, you got plans for me?”

Nursey grinned, leaning closer and dropping his voice to a whisper. “Go close out your tab, Poindexter.”

Will’s eyes widened, and he suppressed a shiver at the feeling of Nursey’s breath over his ear. “And then?”

“Well,” Nursey leaned back slowly, shrugging a shoulder in an absurdly casual gesture. “I don’t have roommates.”

 _Oh._ Never in Will’s wildest and most desperate fantasies, did the imagine the night going like this. He cursed under his breath, standing from the table so quickly he hit his knee on the leg and stumbled a little. He flipped Nursey off when he snorted, not really bothering to give a shit about how eager he looked.

“Okay. I’m closing out. I’ll be right back.”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Nursey snickered, calling after Will’s retreating back. “And hurry back!”

Will worked his way back towards the bar, hastily wiping his palms on the front of his jeans. The most he could hope for was to avoid running into his team, as long as he could get out without them catching him he could avoid the worst of the chirping until tomorrow morning. He was probably already in for it, having disappeared with Nursey when he was supposed to be getting another round. He certainly wasn’t gonna check his messages until much, much later that night. He managed to get the bartender’s attention, fully utilizing his size more so than he usually would, only having to duck awkwardly out of his teammates’ line of sight twice before he made it back to the table.

Nursey was waiting for him. He’s slipped his jacket back on, and _damn,_ the dark wash denim did wonders for his shoulders. He was leaning against the table, scrolling through something on his phone, and the smile he shot Will when he looked up nearly knocked Will on his ass.

“Hey. Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Will nodded, letting Nursey take him by the wrist for the second time that night and lead him out of the bar. It wasn’t until they had made it out, and were two or three blocks past Will’s hotel that he dared slip his hand into Nursey’s. The nervous tension in his shoulders dissipated the moment he felt Nursey squeeze, and he went willingly when Nursey tugged him closer.

It wasn’t long before they were inside the dark foyer of Nursey’s apartment, pressed close against the door, and Will was starting to lose his nerve. What if he was reading this wrong? He’d thought about it so much, imagined the possibility of meeting Nursey again in New York and having it all be like it used to. What if he built it up so much in his head, and now it was disappointing? What if it wasn’t what Nursey wanted?

“Hey,” Will was pulled out of his racing thoughts by a low murmur from Nursey, his hand trailing slowly down Will’s chest. “You with me?”

Will let out a shaky breath, letting his hands come up to rest lightly on Nursey’s hips. “Yeah. I’m here. I just,” he swallowed heavily, attempting to get his thoughts into a semblance of coherence. “It’s been a long time, Derek.”

He wasn’t sure, in that moment, whether he was referring to time since he’d slept with someone, or time since he slept with _Nursey_. The two weren’t synonymous, but they may as well have been for all that Will had gotten around in Nursey’s absence.

“I know,” Nursey pulled back, enough to meet Will’s gaze in the dim light from the streetlamp out the window. “But it’s just me, Will,” Nursey smoothed his hand over Will’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “Just tell me what you want.”

Will let his eyes slip shut, taking a second to try and steady his nerves a little. Nursey was calm. He could be calm, too.

“Nursey,” Will whispered, opening his eyes and finding Nursey’s gaze again. “Can I kiss you?”

Nursey smiled easily, and Will was left wondering why he was _so_ much of a mess in comparison.

“Of course you can.”

Will shakily returned Nursey’s smile, raising a tentative hand to cup his jaw, drawing Nursey close and pressing their lips together softly. Nursey made a small, satisfied hum into the kiss, moving so his arms were wrapped around Will’s waist. Will sighed softly, pressing one, two, then three more chaste kisses to Nursey’s lips before sliding his fingers into his hair, angling his face and slotting their lips together more firmly. Nursey pulled Will closer by the hips at the same time he pressed forward, and Will’s back hit the door and he was surrounded by Nursey. Will let out a moan that was, frankly, embarrassing and needy; but Nursey took that as an opportunity to slide his tongue past Will’s parted lips and _oh_ , suddenly Will couldn’t give a damn what he sounded like.

Will lost all track of how long they went on like that; sometime since Nursey first pressed him against the door, he’d slid his knee between Will’s thighs and slipped a hand up the back of his hoodie, and Will was definitely past the point of thinking big thoughts about the whole situation. He couldn’t do much but cling to the back of Nursey’s jacket where it stretched across his shoulders, squirming against his thigh as Nursey kissed him breathless.

Nursey pulled back slowly, and Will needed to take a few seconds before he managed to open his eyes again. Nursey was well disheveled; his hair and collar rumpled from Will’s wandering hands, his lower lip dark where Will bit down and tugged until Nursey moaned. If the kissing hadn’t already taken Will’s breath away, the sight of Nursey now would have done the job just fine.

“So, as much as pinning you up against a wall is _really_ doing it for me,” Nursey smirked, rolling his hips against Will’s so slow and perfect he shivers. “Only one of us here is a professional athlete, and my legs are begging for me to be horizontal.”

“Oh, yeah?” A slow grin spread across Will’s face as he pushed himself off the door. “Maybe I can give your legs a break, then.”

“Wh— _Dex_ , Oh my god!” Nursey yelped, gripping tightly to Will’s shoulders and wrapping his legs around his waist as Will bodily lifted him up by his thighs. “Now you’re just showing off.”

“Yeah, I am,” Will smirked, shifting his hands to grab at Nursey’s ass. “Is it working out the way I wanted it to?”

Nursey licked his lips, running his fingers through Will’s hair and resting his forehead against Will’s. “Well, it sure as hell is turning me on.”

“In other words, it worked swimmingly.”

“Don’t use words like _swimmingly_ when I’m trying to get in your pants, Poindexter.”

“You love it.”

Nursey kissed him in lieu of answering; so hard Will stumbled slightly in his effort to keep them both upright.

“Bedroom,” he whispered once he pulled away, his lips brushing against the shell of Will’s ear. “Down the hall.”

“Yeah,” Will agreed, shifting his grip on Nursey so it was more secure, before carrying him down the hall as Nursey directed. He pushed the door open with his shoulder, kicking it shut behind them before dumping Nursey gracelessly onto his bed.

“Jesus, Poindexter. Warn a guy.” Nursey teased, once he stopped bouncing on the mattress.

“I may be a professional athlete, but you’re still heavy,” Will smirked, falling over Nursey and catching himself with his hands bracketing Nursey’s head. He huffed out a small, startled squeak when Nursey ran his hands up under his hoodie, squirming when the light touch tickled his stomach. _“Nursey.”_

“Still ticklish, then,” Nursey grinned, pinching Will’s nipple and earning a sharp gasp. “Definitely gonna use that for evil.”

Will groaned, rolling his eyes and dropping his head down to nuzzle into the crook of Nursey’s neck. “Guess I’ll have to distract you, then.”

“Dex, I’ve been waiting for you to distract me all night.”

“Noted,” Will murmured, scraping his teeth across the underside of Nursey’s jaw. “Since you’ve been planning it for that long…how, exactly, would you like to be distracted?”

“You’re doing just fine as it is,” Nursey’s voice came out breathless as Will trailed kisses down his neck, nosing under his shirt to press a kiss to his collarbone. Nursey’s hand under Will’s sweatshirt wouldn’t keep still; roaming over Will’s chest and stomach, teasing the waistband of his jeans, before running up his back and digging in with blunt nails. “God, this needs to come off, like, _yesterday_.”

Will smirked, rising up on his knees and tugging his sweatshirt over his head. “Happy, now?”

Nursey’s eyes raked over Will’s bare chest hungrily, his hands following suit as he licked his lips slowly. “My mood’s improving, yeah.”

Will rolled his eyes, trailing a finger down Nursey’s still-clothed chest. “I don’t know how you made it this far and you’re still wearing multiple layers.”

Nursey snorted, sitting up and meeting Will’s lips in a slow, heated kiss. “Was there a request in there somewhere, Poindexter?”

Will slid his hands over Nursey’s shoulders, under his jacket, pushing it aside until Nursey shrugged it off. “Yeah. Consider this me putting in my formal request for you to get naked.”

Nursey grinned, throwing his jacket aside so hard it hit his bedroom wall, working his shirt off over his head. Will pushed him back down onto the bed immediately, moving to straddle his hips as he leaned down and attached his mouth to Nursey’s nipple. Nursey gasped, arching into the touch with a soft, satisfied hum.

“Mm, if you don’t put your hands to better use soon—”

Will pulled off of Nursey’s chest with a smirk, stilling his hands from where they’d been drawing teasing strokes up and down nursey’s sides.

“What would you like me to do with them instead, Nurse?”

“I want you to put your hands on my dick, _Poindexter_.”

“You always had such a way with words,” Will grinned, arching so his hips pressed down into Nursey’s, earning him a stifled grunt. He ran his hand down Nursey’s stomach, hooking his fingers in the waistband of his jeans before meeting his heated gaze. “Can I take these off?”

“I’m almost willing to beg you to take those off.”

“Tempting,” Will licked his lips quickly, thumbing open the button and dragging down the zipper. “But honestly, I don’t want to wait that long.”

“I’d call you impatient if you weren’t still taking _forever_ to get in my fucking _pants_ —"

Nursey cut himself off with a deep groan, tossing his head back against the pillows as Will got his hand inside Nursey’s underwear and around his cock. He arched his hips up, moaning again when Will’s position straddling his thighs kept him from being able to move very much.

“Still so needy,” Will murmured, stroking Nursey firmly and smirking when he squirmed. “Lube?”

“Uh. Yeah. It’s in— _Christ_ , Will, let me—”

Will grinned, taking his hand from Nursey’s pants and slipping off his lap, letting him roll to the side and rifle through his bedside drawers until he procured lube, a latex glove, and a condom.

“I’m not—I’m not sure what you wanted to…or if you’re—yeah.”

“Oh.” Will blinked quickly, before nodding. “Yeah, good call.” The pause that stretched between them was more awkward than Will wanted any of this to be. “Did you, um. Did you want--?”

“Yeah,” Nursey smiled shyly, dropping the condom on the bed beside them and moving to straddle Will’s thighs. He pressed the lube and glove into Will’s hands, leaning down to press a quick kiss to his lips. “Is that good for you? I—I just really missed your hands.”

Will’s eyes widened at Nursey’s admission, and he took several attempts to answer before just nodding for several seconds. “Uh. Yeah, yeah, that’s good for me. That’s real good.”

Nursey grinned, moving away just long enough to rid himself of his pants and underwear, moving back to straddle Will, gloriously naked. Will moved his hands to Nursey’s legs automatically, stroking his thumbs over his inner thighs gently. Nursey hummed softly, leaning down and kissing Will slow, deep, and dirty. He tangled his fingers in Will’s hair, tugging gently and moaning against his lips when Will shifted his grip so he was massaging Nursey’s ass.

“My hands, huh?” Will murmured, breaking the kiss to trail kisses and small bites over Nursey’s neck and shoulder. “That all you missed, Derek?”

“No, but they’re definitely towards the top of the short list.”

“Flatterer,” Will bit down on Nursey’s collarbone, working the glove onto his hand and popping the lube open, slicking up his first two fingers. He hastily wiped his ungloved hand on the front of his jeans, grabbing onto Nursey’s ass and squeezing. “But the flattery’s really working for me, keep it up.”

“I’m willing to do just about anything if it’ll get you to—oh, fuck, _Will,_ ” Nursey whined, long and loud, as Will eased his first finger inside him. He grabbed at Will’s shoulders, dropping his head forward so his forehead rested on Will’s. “Fuck, yes. Don’t stop.”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” Will pressed in deeper, relishing in the way Nursey’s breath hitched and his jaw slackened. “You look so good like this, fuck.”

Will worked his finger in and out slowly, paying close and careful attention to every way Nursey responded. He used to know every part of Nursey that felt good, every way to make him gasp and moan and whisper Will’s name the way he did. And, judging by Nursey’s reactions, he hadn’t completely forgotten. By the time he worked a third finger in, Nursey’s head had dropped down to Will’s shoulder, and he was panting heavy breaths around soft, high-pitched noises. He was rocking back to meet Will’s fingers, biting down on his lower lip hard, his fingers moving to tangle and tug on Will’s hair.

“Fuck, Derek,” Will breathed, running his free hand up Nursey’s trembling thigh to grip at his hip. “You think you could come like this?”

 _“Will,”_ Nursey let out a broken moan, rolling his hips down hard. “Yes, God, please, I want—”

“Yeah,” Will grunted softly when Nursey bit down on his shoulder, wrapping his free hand around Nursey’s cock and stroking him firmly. “I got you.”

“Oh fuck,” Nursey’s breath hitched and his hips stuttered forwards against Will’s hand, and he cried out sharply when Will swirled his thumb over the head of his cock at the same time he pressed his fingers in deep. “Will, Will, I’m so—I’m gonna—”

Nursey shuddered as he came, tensing around Will’s fingers and moaning long and low against Will’s neck. Will stroked him slowly through the aftershocks, until Nursey whined weakly and gripped onto his forearm to still his hand.

“Holy shit,” Will whispered, easing his fingers out of Nursey and stripping off the glove, turning his head to press a kiss behind Nursey’s ear. “You good, Derek?”

“I’m so good,” Nursey murmured stroking his fingers through Will’s hair and over his neck and shoulders, before leaning up to press a slow, lazy kiss to Will’s lips. “Never better.”

“Yeah?” Will licked his lips, answering Nursey’s easy, sated grin with a smile of his own.

“Yeah,” Nursey smoothed his hands down Will’s chest, all the way to the waistband of his jeans. “Shit, Poindexter. I don’t know how you got this far and you’re still wearing pants.”

“That can be remedied.”

“I think it has to be,” Nursey smirked, taking the time to grope the conspicuous bulge in Will’s jeans before popping the button open.

“Nurse,” Will gasped softly, raising his hips off the bed to allow Nursey to pull his jeans and boxers down. “Just so you know, this is gonna be embarrassingly quick.”

Nursey winked up at Will from where he lay between Will’s legs. “Promise I won’t chirp you too much.”

Will groaned, falling back against the pillows as Nursey ran his tongue up the underside of his cock slowly. He heard the crinkle of foil and glanced down in time to see Nursey rolling the condom onto him. Nursey caught Will’s eye and shrugged a shoulder, stroking him a little more than was necessary to get the condom on.

“Not my favorite flavor, but I figured…it’s been a while, right?”

“No, I get it. You should.” Will blinked slowly, shaking his head a little to try and clear his mind. “You—”

Will cut himself off with a sharp gasp as Nursey took him into his mouth, letting his head drop back again. Nursey had always been stupidly good at giving head, and he definitely hadn’t lost his touch. Will’s guess that he wasn’t going to last long definitely wasn’t going to be far off the mark. Much like Will still knew all Nursey’s buttons to press, Nursey still very much knew Will’s; he was nothing more than a panting, sweating, squirming mess on Nursey’s sheets before he knew it.

“Nursey,” Will whimpered, his hands twisting in the sheets at his sides. “Nurse, fuck—!”

Nursey hummed around him, the sound smug and nearly drowned out by Will’s whine until he bit down on the back of his own hand to muffle the noise. He arched his back, reaching down to grab at Nursey’s shoulders, digging his nails in and scratching at his back.

“Nh, Nursey, I’m—!”

Will choked on a moan, his thighs and stomach tensing as he came in Nursey’s mouth. He let his eyes slip shut, relaxing back against Nursey’s mattress, grunting softly at the feeling of Nursey pulling the condom off and the bed shifting as he moved to throw it out. Will blinked his eyes open slowly, rising up on his elbows as Nursey crawled back into bed, leaning over and pressing their lips together softly.

Will let Nursey’s weight press him back down into the pillows, threading his fingers through his curls as Nursey lay against his chest. The kisses were lazy, and a little sloppy, but Will couldn’t care when he was tangled up in Nursey in every sense.

“Hey,” Nursey murmured, pulling back and bumping his nose against Will’s gently. “You…need to get back to your hotel?”

“No, I have time,” Will paused, feeling his cheeks heat up. “Um. Unless you don’t—unless you want me to go—”

“No! No, that’s not it,” Nursey assured him quickly. “I want you to stay, Will.”

“Okay,” Will smiled, reaching up and tucking a stray curl behind Nursey’s ear gently. “I’ll stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always get nervous about my first fic in a fandom, ngl.  
> But I'm really excited to be writing this. I can never stick to posting schedules, my life is a little too hectic for that, but I try to write and post as often as I can. Feel free to drop by my [tumblr](http://www.mascmalfunction.tumblr.com) if you are so inclined. Your thoughts and comments make my day, I love hearing what you all think! <3


	2. Chapter 2

When Will woke up the next morning, it was in response to an alarmingly loud snore from right beside his ear.

Will jerked awake at the sound, blinking at the unfamiliar room in confusion, flinching away from the curls ticking his nose on instinct before the memories of last night began to catch up with him. A slow smile spread across his face at the thoughts, and he turned to bury his face further into Nursey’s hair. He woke up to Nursey’s snores a lot, in the beginning. He’d gotten used to them, by the time they graduated. But right now, with Nursey like this, Will didn’t mind the early wake up call.

Will pressed his lips gently to Nursey’s forehead, before carefully easing himself out from under him. He reached down to the floor and grabbed the first pair of jeans he found, reaching into the pockets and searching for his phone. The first pair of jeans turned out to be Nursey’s, as evidenced by the rose gold iPhone Will dropped on the bed before managing to grab his own pants.

Will’s phone had about the number of notifications he expected. A few from his family, and from his teammates from Samwell congratulating him on his win. More, still, were from his current teammates, chirping him to Hell and back about disappearing from the bar last night.

>                 _Yo, Poindexter, you get lost at the bar, or are you finally gettin lucky?_
> 
> _Bus leaves at 10am, man. We’ll fucking leave your ass here._
> 
> _Ten bucks says he’ll come back covered in hickies_

Will rolled his eyes, locking his phone and tossing it aside. It was barely seven now, he had plenty of time to kill. And here, with Nursey asleep beside him, he was plenty inclined to stay. He slipped his boxers back on, before sliding back to lie beside Nursey again. He could have this, now. He got to have another morning where he could wake up with Nursey, in Nursey’s bedroom in New York, and everything was like it was back then again. And while it was here, Will was going to appreciate it.

A soft buzz from the sheets drew Will’s attention, and he sat up to look for his phone. When it happened again, motion caught Will’s eye.

Nursey’s phone lit up with a text, and Will didn’t mean to snoop. Honest to God, he didn’t. But the contact name had heart emojis, and Will felt his stomach clench uncomfortably. He remembered when they had been dating, Nursey’d changed Will’s contact name and added heart emojis. When the team had chirped them both about it, they’d been told that Nursey only did that when he was _“serious, so be honored, Poindexter.”_ Will had been honored. Now, he just felt sick.

Will took in a deep breath, moving as if on autopilot, the phone still clutched in his hand as he found his pants again. He pulled them on quickly, fumbling with the button clumsily for several seconds, his hands a little shaky as he turned to look at the contact name again. It was a name he didn’t recognize, and those were definitely heart emojis. They were gold heart emojis, too. That was Nursey’s favorite heart emoji. That was the one he sent when he was in a good mood, the one he once told Will looked like his eyes. The one that used to be in Will’s contact name.

Will dropped the phone when Nursey started to stir, turning away quickly and shoving his shoes on with more force than was probably necessary. He wasn’t sure what he was hoping for, if he thought he could get out without having to confront Nursey. He knew he shouldn’t just leave. It was shitty to go, to even think about leaving before Nursey woke up. But Will’s mind was racing, and his stomach felt tight, and he didn’t know if he could look at Nursey without either shouting or crying.

“Hey,” Will stiffened at the soft, sleepy quality of Nursey’s voice, nearly dropping his shoe. “What’s the rush? It’s gotta be early.”

Will shut his eyes, taking in an unsteady breath before speaking. “Nursey,” Will hated that his voice shook on the word. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

The silence that stretched between them was long, and tense, and broken only by the rustling of the sheets and a whispered curse as Nursey undoubtably checked his phone.

“This wasn’t how I planned on you finding out, Will.”

“Wasn’t it?” Will hated how quickly his voice rose, how easy it was, still, to fall into anger. “Were you planning on having me find out at all?”

Will looked over his shoulder at Nursey, feeling the lump in his throat start to grow. The more he tried to swallow down whatever sick feeling was deep in his gut, the harder it was to keep it together.  

Nursey wouldn’t look Will in the eyes. “Well—well I—"

 _“Look_ at me _,”_ Will waited until Nursey finally met his gaze, taking in a slow, deep breath before speaking. “Just—just tell me the truth. Are you seeing someone?”

“Yeah,” Nursey breathed out, shutting his eyes tightly. “Yeah. I—there’s this guy. It hasn’t…it’s not super serious, we’ve only—”

“That doesn’t make any of this _better_ , Derek!”

“I know it doesn’t! I _know_ , Will, okay?” Nursey ran his fingers through his hair impatiently, letting out a harsh sigh. “I fucked up. I fucked up, and I dragged you into it, and you have every right to be mad.”

“You’re goddamn right, I do!”

“Will, _please_.”

The tone of Nursey’s voice was enough to soften the fire of Will’s anger down to the smallest smolder. His voice was small, and tired, and Will wasn’t used to hearing Nursey sound that way. It had only happened a few times in Will’s memory, and each time it was a blow.

“Look, this isn’t—I know I can’t explain away what I did. I know it was fucked up, and selfish, and stupid. So, if you were going to lecture me, please just save it.”

“Just—why, Nursey?” Will asked, clenching his hands into fists on his thighs. “Why would you..?”

“Come on. You know _why_ , Poindexter.” Nursey shot him a rueful smile. “Look…I understand if you—if you stop talking to me again after this. I deserve that.” Nursey sighed heavily, looking down at his hands. “I don’t—I didn’t want this to be something you regret. I never wanted to be that.”

“I—” Will swallowed heavily, dragging his hands down his face slowly. Nursey’s answer didn’t make any sense. Will wasn’t about to think anything about him was worth cheating on a significant other for. That aside, Nursey thought he could ever be something that Will would regret?

“No. Shit, Derek,” Will laughed, but it was weak, and humorless. “I don’t regret it. And that—might make me a horrible person. But I don’t. I—” Will cut himself off, turning back towards the door. He needed to ask. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t ask Nursey if he regretted it, he was afraid to know the answer. When he finally spoke again, it was so quiet he wasn’t even sure Nursey could hear. “I missed you, Nursey.”

“I missed you too, Dex,” Nursey said softly, and Will felt the bed shift as Nursey moved up behind him. “And I…I guess it makes me just as horrible. Probably more so, considering…you know. But. I don’t regret it either.”

“You don’t?” Will asked, both shock and relief coming through in his tone much more transparently than he usually liked. “Really?”

“I promise,” Nursey’s hands came to rest on Will’s bare shoulders, his chest pressing against Will’s back. “But I would have regret letting you walk away from me last night, Will.”

“Nursey,” Will breathed the name on a sigh, his head tilting to the side to allow Nursey room as he brushed his lips over Will’s neck. “We shouldn’t…”

Nursey pulled back just slightly, but his breath still sent shivers over Will’s skin. “You want me to back off?”

“I _want_ you to kiss me,” Will murmured, turning his face back toward Nursey, their noses brushing together. “But we—”

The rest of Will’s sentence was muffled by Nursey’s lips; warm, and soft, and pressed gently against his own. Will fucking _melted_ into it, sliding an arm around Nursey’s back and pulling him closer. Nursey came easily; his fingers slipping through Will’s hair as he moved to straddle one of his thighs, the sheets pulling tight around his waist as he moved.

Will pulled back slowly, eliciting a small noise in protest from Nursey when Will’s hand on his chest kept them apart. “Nurse, really,” Will murmured. “This was great, you—you were _great_ , Derek, but we need to stop. If for nothing else than I need to be on a bus in two hours.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Nursey moved off Will’s lap, licking his lips and smiling sheepishly. “You, uh. Got time for coffee?”

“I think I can make time for coffee.”

“Great,” Nursey grinned, leaning over and pecking Will’s cheek before sliding out of bed and tugging his boxers back on. “I’ll put a pot on, come on out when you’re dressed.” He paused in the doorway, sending Will a wink over his shoulder. “Or come as you are. That’s okay, too.”

Will rolled his eyes fondly, but he felt like he was in a daze. He reached down onto the floor for his sweatshirt, his mind turning itself over trying to place everything he was feeling. It mostly just felt like a whole lot. He pulled his hoodie over his head as he made his way down the hall, glancing around Nursey’s apartment as he let the smell of brewing coffee to lead him to the kitchen.

“This is a pretty sweet place you got here,” Will commented, sliding up next to where Nursey was cracking eggs over the stove and sitting on the empty counter. “Cozy, and all.”

“Is that a subtle, polite way of saying small?” Nursey asked, raising an eyebrow. “I admire your newfound tact.”

“No,” Will rolled his eyes, bumping his shoulder against Nursey’s gently. “I meant cozy. Homey, you know? It’s nice.”

“Thanks,” Nursey smiled, serving scrambled eggs onto two plates and handing one to Will. “Coffee’ll be ready soon. Sorry about the light breakfast, I don’t do a whole lot of cooking.”

“Yeah, and from what I remember, that’s for the best.” Will teased, taking the offered fork and taking a bite of eggs as Nursey grabbed two mugs from a nearby cabinet.

“You still take it black?”

“You know me.”

“Always will.”

Will cleared his throat gently, awkwardly, his cheeks flushing as he stared determinedly down at his plate. He didn’t want this. He didn’t _want_ to be awkward around Nursey. And the temptation was there, to slip back into old habits and banter like before. It would be easy, last night proved it. But it didn’t feel right to, and maybe Will was just getting in his own head too much about it, it wouldn’t be the first time that happened. But it just didn’t feel right. Nursey, evidently, could be fine about this, but Will didn’t think he knew how to just _do_ the ‘morning after’ like it was all normal. He had said he didn’t regret it, and he meant it. It wasn’t that he was angry, or anything. He just didn’t get how Nursey could be so…okay. He supposed it must have something to do with the fact that none of this was a surprise for Nursey. Waking up to Will freaking out probably wasn’t ideal, but he at least had the heads up on the whole adultery thing. He had all the cards, and he _chose_ to sleep with Will when he already knew.

Shit. Maybe Will _was_ a little bit angry.

Will took the mug of coffee Nursey offered with a murmured thanks, taking a deep sip partially in order to further procrastinate the getting of his thoughts together. All his thoughts felt too big, and messy, and impossible to tackle on five hours of sleep and one sip of coffee. But if Will learned anything in his short but repressed life, it was how to prioritize and compartmentalize. He had a long bus ride home to try and sort his shit out. He only had Nursey again for right now.

“This is really good,” Will noted, looking up at nursey again. “You always sprung for the good shit.”

Nursey shrugged, leaning back against the counter facing Will. “Yeah, not much has changed I suppose.”

“Yeah,” Will agreed, feeling his stomach squirm in that funny way it had earlier. “I guess it hasn’t.”

“I’m not surprised,” Nursey murmured, smiling down into his coffee mug almost…wistful. “Y’know. That things feel the same.”

“Right.” Will swallowed thickly, setting his mug aside and slipping off the counter. Compartmentalization or no, there was really only so much Will could take at once. “Hey, Nurse, I should…I should probably go.”

“Oh,” Nursey straightened up, his eyes widening a little before his face slipped back into his familiar smile. “Yeah, man. Of course.”

“Thanks, um. For coffee. And breakfast. And, uh,” Will felt his cheeks flush pink, and he shrugged a shoulder awkwardly. “Everything.”

Nursey snorted softly, raising an eyebrow but refraining from chirping Will like he knew he deserved for that. He just smiled, grabbing Will’s dirty dishes off the counter and dropping them into his sink.

“You got everything you came with? And you’re good to get back to your hotel and all?”

“Yeah. I think so.” Will cleared his throat softly, doing a quick all-pocket pat-down for his wallet, keys, and cell phone. “It was really good to see you, Nursey. Really.”

“It was.” Nursey agreed, looking over at Will with an expression he couldn’t quite place. He was smiling still, but it was a smaller, more reserved kind of smile. _Soft_. That was the first word that came to mind. Will wanted to kiss that small, soft smile off Nursey’s face. He had to _go._

“Right. Bye, Nurse.” Will offered a small wave, turning and heading into the front hallway. He’d just about made it to the door, he was reaching for the goddamn handle and everything, when he turned back. He almost tripped over himself in his haste to get back to the kitchen, stopping himself clumsily with hands on either side of the doorway.

“Derek.”

Nursey turned back around sharply, letting out a startled, confused laugh at the sight of Will in the doorframe. “Yeah?”

“Can I, uh,” Will flushed, straightening up and shoving his hands into his jean pockets self-consciously. “Can I text you later?”

Nursey blinked twice, glancing down at his hands quickly before meeting Will’s eyes again. Will felt like he was holding his breath.

“My number hasn’t changed, Poindexter.”

“Great.” Will let out a long breath, nodding shortly. “Great. I’ll, uh. I’ll do that. Bye.”

 

Will decided that, given everything that happened in the past 12 hours, he really needed to take the time to walk back to the hotel. He managed to make it back from Nursey’s in time for the quickest shower of his life, before he was packing his shit up and heading down to the bus. He was met with the expected amount of jeers and wolf-whistles from his team, rolling his eyes even as he felt his cheeks flushing under the attention.

“Check out little Poindexter, going out and getting some,” McDougal, Will’s large, Scottish d-man partner grinned, pulling Will into an affectionate headlock and ruffling his damp hair. “Must’ve been good, if it got you coming back so late.”

“Fuck off,” Will muttered, extracting himself from McDougal’s arms and doing his best to tame his hair before it dried funny. “It wasn’t…it wasn’t like that.”

“Oh, no?” Kennedy raised an eyebrow, smirking. “How was it like, then?”

“I ran into an old friend from college,” Will explained, slapping his center across the shoulder when he snorted in disbelief. “I’m serious! My old d-man partner lives in New York. We were roommates, played on the same line for four years. We were catching up, and I crashed at his.”

“Riiiight,” McDougal laughed shortly. “Have fun _catching up_ , then?”

“As a matter of fact, I did.” Will sat down on his seat heavily, sticking his earbuds in his ears and slumping against the window.

Lying to his team about hookups wasn’t exactly new. But he’d never fully _denied_ it before. He didn’t do the whole ‘post-game hookup’ thing very often, certainly not as often as other guys on his team. But the denial was making it more conspicuous. And even if nothing he said was _technically_ a lie, it sure wasn’t the truth either. Something deep in his gut kept him from admitting it, and this time Will was pretty sure it wasn’t the closet. It just felt more like a secret this time, like a secret from everyone. Because they cheated. Nursey cheated on someone with Will. Will was now the _other guy_. And that wasn’t even the reason he felt bad. He didn’t even _care._

This was almost definitely the Catholic upbringing speaking, but Will felt an unbelievable urge to go to confession.

Will glanced at his phone when he felt it buzz, swallowing a laugh at the ironic timing. After all, his time at Samwell had held the closest thing to confession he’d been to since elementary school; sitting in the kitchen while Bitty baked, or up on the roof with Shitty while he _got_ baked, talking through his issues and growing. It was only fitting that Bitty would text him now. If he knew what Will had been thinking, he’d surely have some charming Southern quip about his ears burning because Will thought thoughts about him.

>                 _We saw your game last night! Congrats!_

Will smiled, unlocking his phone and typing a quick response.

>                 _Thanks Bits. It felt really good._
> 
> _Jack said it was the best he’s seen you play all season!_

It was probably conditioning from Jack being his first college captain (and, quite possibly, any residual Weird Feelings from being 18 and drunk at Hazeapalooza and being confronted with the reality of Jack Zimmermann’s perfect ass for the first time), but Will absolutely glowed from the praise.

>                 _Tell him thanks for me. That really means a lot._
> 
> _Will do! Did you get to celebrate last night?_
> 
> _Yeah the team went out. I ran into Nursey actually._
> 
>                 _No way! That’s great! How is he?_

Will paused, reading the text multiple times as he considered his options. He and Nursey hadn’t been a secret from the team, there was no way they could have been even if they wanted to be. Their breakup, then, was equally common knowledge; and most of the people they were closest to also knew that they’d pretty effectively stopped talking after they split. Bitty was counted with the few that knew even a little bit of how torn up Will had been about it. He would definitely, probably, maybe understand if Will talked to him about the hookup.

>                 _He’s doing okay I guess. We didn’t really talk much._

Well, shit. So much for talking about it.

> _Oh, honey. Still?_
> 
> _It’s not like that. We were friendly I promise._
> 
> _How are you feeling about it?_
> 
> _Fine. Really. It was nice to see him. I guess I missed him._

There was no guessing about it, and they both knew it. Will missed Nursey a shameful amount. And there was something about admitting it, even offhand and played down, that felt both like freeing himself and like backing himself into a corner.

>                 _You only guess?_
> 
> _You really want me to say it again?_
> 
> _You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want. But you can talk to him, Dex. You aren’t freshmen anymore._

Will set his phone down in his lap, biting down on his lip and staring out the window as he considered Bitty’s advice. On the base level, he was right. Will and Nursey were so much better at communicating, they’d both made improvements even before they started dating. For a long time, Nursey was the person Will felt most comfortable talking to about almost anything. But this…he couldn’t talk to Nursey about this. Nursey had started to move on. Sure, they’d both said I miss you. But Will wasn’t fool enough to think that a post-game one night stand would possibly mean as much to Nursey as it did to him. It’s not like Nursey missed anything that wasn’t physical.

>                 _I don’t think this is the kind of thing Nursey would be cool with me bringing up._
> 
> _I don’t mean you have to talk about missing him, hun. You can just talk to him. About other things._

Will sighed to himself, locking his phone and shutting his eyes. That was twice now he’d been given that blessing; once from Nursey and once now from a third party. By all means, it should have been enough to cull the anxiety in his brain. But he didn’t know how. He didn’t know how to start a conversation with Nursey without a _reason_ , couldn’t imagine just texting Nursey to hear about how his day was. As much as that used to be normal, as much as he wanted to know about Nursey and how his days went, he couldn’t just do that again. Not until he knew what this meant to Nursey.

And he couldn’t find _that_ out without bringing up what it meant to _him._ And there was no chance in Hell he was going to try and open that can of worms. This was something he planned to bottle up until he couldn’t feel it anymore. He was good at that. He thrived on it, really.

He shoved his phone deep into his front pocket, slouching down in his bus seat and letting his head hit the headrest. Sleeping on the bus always made him stupidly stiff in his neck and shoulders, but he needed to be unconscious more than he needed to avoid a crick in the neck. Any soreness felt later would be well worth the reprieve from feeling his big dumb feelings.

Will turned his music up, drowning out any remaining sounds from his teammates as he let the gentle vibrations from the bus lull him towards sleep. After all, sleep deprived Will still hadn’t ruled out confession as means to deal with his emotions, which proved once and for all that he couldn’t be trusted. He’d be well equipped to deal with his big dumb feelings tomorrow, at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: No matter how many stories I wrote that include text conversations, I'll never be 100% happy with the formatting of said text conversations. When will I learn.  
> 2: I'm delighted by the response to this story! First chapters are always nerve wracking for me, but I'm super glad y'all like it so far! Thus begins the emotional rollercoaster here in chapter 2, I hope y'all are strapped in. Your thoughts and comments make my day <3


	3. Chapter 3

Will did not text Nursey.

It’s not that he didn’t want to. He totally did. He even got as far as opening up his messaging app and clicking on his and Nursey’s conversation. But he’d get that far, and see the timestamps of their last texts, and just close the app. Will was a lot, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew he wasn’t good at this kind of stuff. As easy as it seemed in person, Will knew he was still too awkward to try and connect with Nursey again. Better to save himself the embarrassment.

Embarrassment aside, there was still the issue of…whatever it was Will was feeling in wake of his and Nursey’s…tryst. And how Will was starting to acknowledge that he was getting a little bit distracted by it. It’s not like it was consuming his every waking hour or anything, but it was definitely on his mind. And, if he was honest, it was kind of starting to bother him.

This was the fourth practice in a row that Will was fucking up easy plays, and he knew damn well why. The early morning practices weren’t meshing well with the fact that he wasn’t having the easiest time sleeping on some nights. He hadn’t been feeling at 100%, which meant he wasn’t playing at 100%. And it wasn’t enough to get him benched, or even lectured, yet. But that sure as hell wasn’t improving his mood.

He was even slow in the locker rooms lately, most of his teammates having already left before he was even fully dressed. He was pretty confident that he was alone, which is why he nearly jumped out of his skin when his d-man partner rounded the corner to their row of lockers.

“Jesus,” Will shook his head, reaching into his locker and pulling his tshirt on. “You’re too big to walk that softly, McDougal.”

McDougal snorted, pulling his towel off from around his shoulders and opening his locker. “I don’t walk softly, you’re just spacy.” He paused, seeming to consider himself before speaking again. “You’ve actually been spacy for a while lately, Red. Is somethin’ up?”

It wasn’t supposed to be a jab, and Will knew it. But he couldn’t quite stifle a wince at the reminder. He knew that his teammates had already been noticing, he’d gotten a few looks during practices already. A few of them had even offered to talk, and Will knew he should probably take someone up on it eventually. But he had no goddamn idea how he was supposed to tell anyone about what was on his mind while still maintaining his status as firmly closeted. He’d recently come to the conclusion that he well and truly couldn’t, and that scared him. Terrified him, really. He hadn’t made any concrete plans to come out during his career, it had all been a big hypothetical for Future Will who maybe had a reason to be out.

But, if internalizing all of this shit was fucking up his game, he needed to stop internalizing. Which meant talking to someone. And it felt right, to have it be McDougal. They’d been partners since Will joined the league as a rookie, and were good friends off the ice. Of the options presented, he was the one that caused the least amount of anxiety-driven terror.

“Yeah, I…I know I haven’t been all here, lately,” Will let out a short huff of breath. If he was gonna do it, he should just commit. “I’ve had a lot to think about. I try not to bring it into the rink, but it hasn’t always worked out. Clearly.”

“Shit happens, man,” McDougal shrugged, letting his locker slam shut and leaning against it as he considered Will. “You wanna talk about it? We could get coffee or something, if you don’t wanna do it here.”

Well, he wasn’t gonna get a better offer than this.

“Yeah. That sounds good.” Will swallowed heavily, pulling on his jacket and shutting his locker with a click. “Thanks, man.”

McDougal clapped him heartily on the back, slinging his arm around Will’s shoulder as they headed out of the locker room. “Walk down to The Hill? I think they do $3 lattes on Tuesdays.”

“That works.” Will ducked out from under McDougal’s arm as they walked, shoving his hands deep into his jacket pockets. He had to get started somewhere, right? “So, uh. The spacey thing. It started in New York, I guess.”

“The Rangers game?” McDougal nodded. “That tracks. You always get a little funny about New York games. You usually get over it quick though.”

“Yeah. This time, it…I…” Will sighed heavily, turning to face his d-partner. “Have you ever been cheated on?”

“Oh,” McDougal stopped in his tracks, his brow furrowing. “Is that what—I didn’t even know you were seeing anybody, Red. How long—?”

“No, no,” Will shook his head, cutting off that train of thought. “I’m not. Nobody’s cheating on me. That wasn’t the right thing to ask.”

McDougal’s brows only knit closer together, clearly in confusion. “O…kay?”

“Has anyone ever…cheated on someone, like, with you?” Will asked. “Do you know what I mean?”

“I think so,” McDougal turned, starting to walk towards the café with Will again. “Somebody in NY make you her side hustle, Poindexter?”

“Um.” Will kept his eyes firmly forward as they entered the café, feeling his face grow hot. “In a certain manner of speaking?”

McDougal snorted, the conversation taking a brief pause as they both placed their orders and paid, resuming again as they waited by the drink counter.

“First of all, may I just say, I knew that whole _‘I just ran into an old teammate’_ schtick was a load of bull.” McDougal leaned against the counter, smirking at Will.

Will felt his shoulders stiffen, and he stared down determinedly at his fingers white-knuckling the edge of the drink counter. It was now or never. “It wasn’t.”

“Hm?”

Will turned, locking eyes with his d-man partner, swallowing heavily and willing his voice not to shake. “It wasn’t bull, Alex.”

“Right,” McDougal straightened, folding his arms over his chest and looking down at Will intently. “I’m…not sure what you’re getting at, man.”

“Nursey. Derek. We—” Will stammered, straightening his shoulders defensively, and speaking slowly to keep his voice even. “We played together for four years. He was my roommate. He was my d-man partner. And he was also my boyfriend.”

“Oh,” McDougal’s eyes widened slightly, and he opened and closed his mouth twice before speaking again. “ _Oh_. Shit, Red, I didn’t expect an _‘I slept with my ex’_ scenario. This story has a lot of layers.”

“Huh?” Will’s brain felt like it had shorted out, for all the good trying to think was doing him at the moment. Of any reaction he could have expected for his first time coming out in his career, the non-reaction was exactly what he _didn’t_ prepare for. “Uh. I mean. I guess? I—”

“Oh. Sorry, I guess I kind of—it’s cool, man.” McDougal smiled, clapping his hand on Will’s shoulder good-naturedly and picking up their drinks. “I’m glad you told me. I imagine you’re not super out?”

“Not in the league, no,” Will let out a breath, following McDougal to a table in the corner. “You’re the first person I told since college.”

“Does anyone know? Management, PR?”

“God, no,” Will laughed shortly. “I, uh. I thought about it, especially since Jack—Zimmermann—he’s doing so well and all. But I never wanted that kind of spectacle, so.”

“Fair.” McDougal shrugged. “But that’s not what we’re here to talk about. We’re here to talk about you fucking your ex after the Rangers game.”

Will choked on the sip of coffee he was taking, blushing hot and grabbing a napkin for his mouth as McDougal snorted.

“Smooth, Poindexter.”

“Fuck off.”

“Happily. But after you finish talking. You started this conversation, and now I’m invested.”

“Not much more to it,” Will muttered, taking another sip and looking down at his hands on the table. “I…he was at the bar. At first, we were just catching up. We hadn’t really talked since we broke up, y’know? And, uh. Um. We went home together. Obviously.”

McDougal smirked. “Obviously.”

“Shut up,” Will rolled his eyes. “And I mean…it was good—fine. It was fine. But in the morning, I—he got a text from his boyfriend. And I saw. And he didn’t deny it when I asked about it. And…now I just can’t shake it.”

McDougal frowned slightly, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms. “Well. I don’t know the guy, Red. And I don’t know your history with him. So I could be missing out on some important context, here. But from where I’m standing, cheating is a shitty thing to do. And so is putting someone in the position he put you in.”

“Yeah,” Will muttered, shrugging a shoulder. “You’re not wrong.”

 “But, like I said, I don’t know him. So it’s not like I’m judging,” McDougal raised an eyebrow, gazing at Will pointedly. “It’s not like I haven’t done stupid shit for exes I was still hung up on.”

“Right,” Will snorted. “One problem with that theory, man. Nursey’s _not_ hung up on me.”

“Oh?” McDougal’s eyes widened a little. “You seem awfully sure.”

“I am sure.” Will said firmly, downing his coffee and crumpling the paper cup in his fist. “Trust me, you don’t know him. I’m not anyone that would keep Derek Nurse down.”

“Right,” McDougal didn’t seem convinced, but he finished his own drink and studied Will carefully. “But…he still slept with you.”

Will wrinkled his nose. “And?”

“What do you mean, _and?”_ McDougal asked, incredulous. “He went behind someone’s back for you, Red. You don’t think he had a reason?”

“Oh, he had a _reason_ ,” Will scoffed, slumping down slightly in his seat. “But it was all just physical. That was made pretty clear.”

“Oh,” Something in McDougal’s gaze softened, and he shook his head gently. “I see.”

Will’s eyes narrowed. “See what?”

“Nothing, man.” McDougal was trying for casual, but Will could tell. That was pity. He was reading way more into this than Will intended. “It’s just a rough spot you’re in. I’m honestly not sure what kind of advice to give.”

Will had been trying to keep the bitter notes out of his voice, but he was pretty sure he hadn’t quite hit the mark on that, if McDougal’s reaction was anything to go by. He knew enough now without also getting to know how badly and stupidly Will had been pining. That was a line Will didn’t let a lot of people cross.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Uh,” Will straightened up, a little surprised by the sudden shift. “Yeah, sure.”

“Did he break up with you?”

“I—” Will stiffened, clenching his jaw and swallowing heavily. “No. I did it.”

“Oh,” McDougal looked genuinely surprised, his brows shooting up his forehead before furrowing down in thought again. “Huh. Okay.”

“Why?” Will asked, suspicious. “Is this more of you trying to tell me that Nurse is hung up on me, or whatever?”

“No, no, I’m sure you’re right.” McDougal waved a hand dismissively, grabbing both of their trash and standing. “I was just curious, but it’s none of my business. Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” Will murmured, standing and gently kicking his chair back under the table. He stayed silent as they left the café, and for a good portion of the walk back towards the rink garage, mulling over everything that was said. He kept up with the small talk from McDougal, though he was pretty sure he could tell that he was distracted.

Will thanked McDougal back at the rink and headed back to his apartment. He supposed that the conversation worked out in the sense that he did feel a little bit better. Having told almost the whole truth to a truly neutral third party and being met with minimal judgement helped, though he didn’t understand where McDougal got off saying Nursey was hung up on him. Nursey moved on. Will was the only one left hung up on the past. He was starting to think that it might be like this forever. In a weird way, Will almost missed the radio silence. Pretend anger was a very effective band-aid that covered the aching blister caused by how much missing Nursey grated at him.  Without having that to fall back on, now that he couldn’t pretend his and Nursey’s spark wasn’t still there…he didn’t know what to think. He’d spent so long thinking about all the reasons he and Nursey would never work past college, most of them coming back to himself. But now…now he was having second thoughts.

Of course, he had them now. Now that it was far too late for second thoughts. Will never was particularly good at timing, and it lead to him being left behind. Missing people. Most of all, it lead to him feeling unfathomably stupid. He remembered, when he called his mom to tell her he wasn’t sure he should take the contract with the NHL, she told him he was too young to be making regrets out of fear. Will had smiled then, and fondly rolled his eyes, but he didn’t think he understood what she meant. Maybe he did now. Maybe it was about Nursey all along.

Will shook his head firmly, blinking rapidly in an attempt to clear his head. When the hell did he get so _mopey?_ He didn’t have time to spend like this. He’d been looking at this whole thing all wrong. He couldn’t keep obsessing over this as some kind of regret, or a sign that they could rekindle what they had. That would only keep upsetting him. He had to look at this as closure. Everything about his exit from college felt rushed, impulsive, and at least a little unfinished; and his split with Nursey was no different. Maybe now he and Nursey both could move past the hard feelings, and go back to being friends.

After all, having Nursey in his life again was worth any and all of the awkward feelings Will was having now. No doubt about it. Will would get over himself. He had to, to maintain this friendship with Nursey.

Will would make sure it was worth it.

He really should text Nursey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it really has been over a month since I posted any updates hasn't it. I'm sorry about the wait, my life and job have both been blowing up recently and this chapter's been pretty difficult to get out.  
> I hope y'all are into my big, Scottish d-man OC, Alex McDougal. I love him.  
> Your thoughts and comments make my day <3


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